Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Melton

Author:Glennon Melton [Melton, Glennon]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Non-Fiction, Humour
ISBN: 9781451697247
Amazon: 1451697244
Goodreads: 15802944
Publisher: Scribner
Published: 2013-04-02T07:00:00+00:00

On Fish and Heaven

Our family’s first brush with death occurred when Chase’s fish, Jacob, died. We had several beta fish over the years, and we’d replace each of the deceased without a single tear from the kids. But Jacob was special. He swam around in Chase’s room for two years and survived a million sticky fingers and more than a few missed meals. Jacob kept an eye on things for us. We thought him very wise and responsible. I once admitted to the kids that I loved Daddy more than Jacob, and they were so hysterically horrified that I was forced to recant and promise that I did, in fact, love Daddy and Jacob exactly the same. Jacob was one of us.

We decided to tell the kids about Jacob’s death right away so that there were no accidental surprises. All three children were playing together in the family room, so Craig and I sat down near them and I said, “We have some very sad news, guys.” Their bodies froze and their little heads swiveled toward me. I said solemnly and quietly, “Jacob died this morning.” I had resolved not to try to soften the blow by explaining it away prettily.

Tish immediately started to sob. I picked her up off the floor and she buried her face into my hair and curled into a teeny ball of self-preservation, like a roly-poly. Chase quickly covered his mouth with his hand, but not before I noticed the hint of a grin that curled his lips. This nervous grin is his first line of defense. He asked if he could see Jacob. I moved Tish to Craig’s lap while Amma, looking concerned, waddled over to Tish and patted her curls lovingly, then whacked her hard on the forehead and grinned. Tish’s whimper turned into a wail. Craig and I shot each other good luck glances, and I followed Chase up the stairs to view the body.

Chase walked into his room and marched like a soldier directly to the tank. When he saw Jacob’s lifeless body, he noticed that his friend’s vibrant red color had faded to gray. He asked why, but he didn’t wait for an answer. He just covered his eyes with his little second-grade hands so that finally the tears could come. They streamed down his cheeks as his shoulders fell and shook, and he crumbled into me.

I wanted so badly to tell Chase that it was okay, that we would replace Jacob with a new fish, a bigger fish, a whole school of fish, but I didn’t. This was his first experience with death, and I wouldn’t suggest to him that death can be cheated through replacement. I wouldn’t teach him that pain should be avoided, dodged, or danced around. He needed to learn that death is worthy of grief because it’s final, for now. So we just sat on his bottom bunk and held each other tight.

Chase cried and shook and begged me for answers. He said, It’s not about Jacob, Mom.

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